四六级精读 | 父母之爱的三种类型，你了解吗？

今天是小芳老师陪你精读外刊的第151天

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When it comes to first impressions, we all want to make a good one. And that’s why we tend to focus on our best traits and qualities. However, we often fall into the trap of thinking that everything about us needs to be perfect. But that’s just unrealistic. We all have imperfections. It’s part of being human. And while it’s easy to believe that our ‘supposed flaws and imperfections’ make us less attractive, here are some that can actually make us seem more appealing to others:

The moment babies are born, their minds are dominated by a powerful implicit question: What do I need to do in order to be loved?

We have to remember that babies are entirely at the mercy of the prevailing environment, and therefore, knowing what exactly the people in this environment want from them in exchange for keeping them alive is central to their very survival. Furthermore, how the question is answered will shape their entire personality and sense of adult priorities; who we are is predominantly the result of what we needed to do to capture and sustain the interest of the people who put us on the earth.

There are broadly three answers to the baby’s question. Let’s go through them in turn:

1. Nothing very much.

A certain sort of parent immediately makes it clear: the baby doesn’t need to do anything to deserve to exist. They are allowed to be; they don’t need to do.

Their own needs come first, who they are and what they want is the priority in those early fragile months and years.

From such a base, a child can grow up liking themselves and adjusting to the needs of others without too great a loss of creativity or individuality. They don’t have to do anything extraordinary to feel that they are OK; and if they happen to do it anyway, it will simply be out of a sense of inherent curiosity and appetite.

This is, needless to say, the love we should all want – and have had.

Then comes another kind of answer.

2. To earn love, you must succeed.

For a certain kind of parent, the baby’s existence is premised on an enormous requirement. The child has to help the parent to feel much better about themselves; they have to help them to paper over their own inadequacies, compromises and insecurities.

For example, to ward off any risk the parent might be thought stupid, the child has to demonstrate extreme intelligence. To compensate for the parent’s lack of stellar career, the child has to shine globally. To appease the parent’s fear of ugliness, the child has to be blatantly pretty. To ward off fears of dullness and the pull of depression, the child needs to be a cheerful comic. The child is a compensatory object at the behest of the parent’s disguised vulnerabilities. They aren’t allowed to be shy, hesitant, confused, quiet or unimpressive to strangers – for all this would devastate and madden an already precariously balanced parent.

From such an upbringing, the child will constantly be left wondering what they can do next to generate applause and acclaim. They will exhaust themselves in the pursuit of a love that should have been theirs from the first.

Then there is a third kind of answer to the baby’s question.

3. To earn love, you must fail.

Some children have to succeed in order to be loved; some – even more darkly – are commanded to fail.

There are parents who will only tolerate children who don’t threaten their place in the world. They are not allowed to be any happier, more beautiful or more successful – and if they come anywhere close to being so, a vengeful aggression will make itself felt.

The child understands well enough the rule they have been placed under. They can be expected to grow up with advanced tendencies to self-sabotage and underperformance. If they promise to be beautiful, they’ll be sure not to take any pleasure in their physical appearance; if they are on track to do well at school, they’ll ensure they manage always to fail the final exam. If they end up with a good career, they’ll do their utmost to show their rivalrous parent that it isn’t any fun really – perhaps by developing a psychological disorder that guarantees a demonstrable misery.

Sometimes – even more perplexingly – more than one message emanates from a single parent. The parent swings between wanting a child to shore them up and fearing that they are threatening them. The child will be under pressure both to succeed and to fail. There will be nowhere for the benighted soul to turn.

What we can be sure is that anything other than the first message will leave us with a highly complex and unfortunate legacy. We need to be extremely compassionate towards ourselves and the babies we once were who heard such a puzzling and devastating answer to that powerless urgent first question: What do I need to do to be allowed to live?

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单词

1. dominate：支配，主导，占主导地位 例句：Her fear dominated her thoughts and prevented her from taking action.（她的恐惧占据了她的思维，阻止她采取行动。）

2. implicit：暗示的，含蓄的 例句：She gave me an implicit warning not to mention the subject again.（她给了我一个暗示，不要再提这个话题。）

3. prevail：盛行，流行 例句：The custom of shaking hands prevails in many countries.（握手的习俗在许多国家盛行。）

4. exchange：交换，互换 例句：The children exchanged their toys with each other.（孩子们互相交换他们的玩具。）

5. inherent：固有的，内在的 例句：The inherent beauty of the sunset took her breath away.（夕阳固有的美丽令她惊叹。）

6. compensate：补偿，赔偿 例句：The company compensated the workers for their overtime work.（公司为加班工作赔偿了工人。）

7. precariously：不稳定地，危险地 例句：The ladder was precariously balanced on the edge of the roof.（梯子危险地平衡在屋顶的边缘。）

8. vengeful：报复心强的，复仇心重的 例句：The vengeful woman sought revenge on her ex-husband.（这个报复心强的女人试图向她的前夫报复。）

9. underperformance：表现不佳 例句：The company was disappointed with the team's underperformance in the last quarter.（公司对上一季度团队的表现不佳感到失望。）

10. compassionate：有同情心的，怜悯的 例句：The nurse was very compassionate towards her patients.（护士对她的病人非常有同情心。）

句型

长难句1：Furthermore, how the question is answered will shape their entire personality and sense of adult priorities; who we are is predominantly the result of what we needed to do to capture and sustain the interest of the people who put us on the earth.

解析：该句为复合句，由两个分句组成，中间使用了分号。其中，前一个分句是主句，后一个分句是从句。主句是以动词“will shape”开头，表示将来的结果，动词后面跟着两个宾语，一个是“personality”，一个是“sense of adult priorities”，两者之间由连词“and”连接。从句是以连接副词“how”引导的疑问句，表示方法，后面跟着的是一个完整的句子，其中使用了虚拟语气“what we needed to do”表示过去的事情。整个长句的核心是“how the question is answered”，表示回答问题的方式会影响一个人的性格和成年时期的优先事项。

长难句2：They aren’t allowed to be shy, hesitant, confused, quiet or unimpressive to strangers – for all this would devastate and madden an already precariously balanced parent.

解析：该句为复合句，由两个分句组成，中间使用了连词“for”。其中，前一个分句是主句，后一个分句是原因状语从句。主句是以动词“aren’t allowed”开头的否定句，表示某些性格特点是不允许存在的，后面列举了几个具体的例子，都是负面的表现。从句是以连词“for”引导的原因状语从句，表示前面列举的这些性格特点如果出现，会给一个本来就处于不稳定状态的父母带来灾难性的打击。

回答问题

Reading Questions

1. What is the implicit question dominating a baby's mind when they are born?

A. How can I be successful? B. What do I need to do to be loved? C. How can I make my parents proud? D. What is the meaning of life?

2. What is the first answer to the baby's question according to the text?

A. To earn love, you must succeed. B. To earn love, you must fail. C. Nothing very much. D. To earn love, you must compromise.

阅读理解题目3：

What is the result of answering the baby's question in the second way according to the text?

A. The child will grow up feeling loved and confident. B. The child will constantly be seeking approval and exhausting themselves in pursuit of love. C. The child will grow up being allowed to be anything they want. D. The child will grow up constantly feeling like a failure.

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答案

BCB

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