为什么抑郁症叫做“黑狗”？

I had a black dog. His name was depression

我有只名叫“抑郁”的黑狗。

Whenever the black dog made an appearance, I felt empty and life seemed to slow down.

黑狗一来，我就会感到空虚，生活百无聊赖。

作家马修·约翰斯通 （Matthew Johnstone）曾这样描述自己患抑郁的感受。

丘吉尔（Winston Churchill）也有一条“黑狗”（Black Dog），伴随他走过了漫长岁月。他曾说：“心中的抑郁就像只黑狗，一有机会就咬住我不放。”

自从丘吉尔用“黑狗”一词来描述自己大半生经历的几次抑郁时期以来，“黑狗”就成了抑郁症的代名词。

Ever since Winston Churchill popularised the phrase Black Dog to describe the bouts of depression he experienced for much of his life, it has become the shorthand for the disease that millions of people suffer from, often in shame and silence.

数百万抑郁患者常常在羞愧和沉默中遭受这种疾病的折磨。这条“黑狗”给抑郁症患者的生活带来极大的困扰，他们自觉：

Activities that usually brought me pleasure, suddenly ceased to.

我突然会无精打采，通常能让我快乐的活动也提不起我的精神。

He liked to ruin my appetite.

它让我没有胃口。

He chewed up my memory and ability to concentrate.

它扰乱我的记忆，让我无法集中注意力。

Doing anything or going anywhere with the black dog required superhuman strength.

只要黑狗在旁，我就什么事都不想做，哪里也不想去。

作为一名同样深受“黑狗”困扰的抑郁症患者，马修·约翰斯通 （Matthew Johnstone）写下了一本书《我有一只黑狗》（I Had a Black Dog）。在其中，他用极其触动人心的洞察力和细腻柔软的笔触，让世人了解到与一只“黑狗”作伴是什么感觉。

来源：Matthew Johnstone

该书一经出版便大受欢迎，因此在2012年世界精神健康日，世界卫生组织与马修合作推出了该书的视频版《我有一只黑狗，名叫抑郁》（I had a black dog, his name was depression），用精简而深刻的视频片段描述了他与“黑狗”搏斗、向“黑狗”屈服到与“黑狗”和解、驾驭“黑狗”的心路历程，引发了千万观看者的深深共鸣。

不请自来的“黑狗”

马修在广告业有长达十五年的打拼经历，他的第一份工作是在悉尼当初级艺术总监。他认为：

The job was interesting, always different but it was also unrelenting and because I wasn't looking after myself, eventually I think I just burned out. I was very stressed. I think I was suffering internally. 这份工作很有趣，总是充满新鲜感，但也很无情。由于我没有照顾好自己，最终已筋疲力尽。我压力很大，我想我当时内心很痛苦。

来源：Matthew Johnstone

马修在工作上的压力和焦虑无处释放，他强烈的自尊心也不允许他向他人寻求帮助，于是日复一日地在煎熬中硬撑。此时他还没意识到，一条名为“抑郁症”的黑狗正悄然袭入他的内心。

与“黑狗”艰难斗争

在刚开始发现自己身患抑郁症的十几年，马修把抑郁症当作一个黑暗的秘密一样隐藏了起来。

My biggest fear was being found out.

我最害怕被人发现真相。

I worried that people would judge me.

我担心人们嫌弃我。

Because of the shame and stigma of the black dog I was constantly worried that I would be found out.

由于黑狗恶名在外，我时刻担心会被发现。

So I invested vast amounts of energy into covering him up.

因此我竭力掩盖。

Keeping up an emotional lie is exhausting.

而用谎言掩盖真实感受让人筋疲力尽。

来源：Matthew Johnstone

但在竭力掩饰自己苦楚的同时，他变得易怒、悲观，甚至被剥夺了一切情绪，“黑狗”正一点一点地将他吞噬。

The black dog could make me think and say negative things.

黑狗使我悲观消极，经常说些消极话。

He could make me irritable and difficult to be around.

它让我喜怒无常，与人难以相处。

He would take my love and bury my intimacy.

它夺走我的爱，埋葬我的亲密关系。

Having a black dog in your life isn’t so much about feeling a bit down, sad or blue... At its worst, it's about being devoid of feeling altogether.

生活中有黑狗相伴，不是些许失落、感伤或忧郁，最严重时，我根本已毫无知觉。

来源：Matthew Johnstone

随着“黑狗”向他发出越来越猛烈的进攻，马修开始意识到不能再任凭“黑狗”主宰了：

Outwardly my career was going well but internally my trajectory wasn't looking so good and I realized I needed to pull up and to make some major changes. 表面上我的职业生涯顺风顺水，但我的心路历程却充满坎坷，我意识到是时候作出重大改变了。

在鼓舞人心中自愈

在被“黑狗”压制的岁月里，马修丧失了生活的所有乐趣，开始怀疑起生命的意义。但他回过头来不禁感叹：

Thankfully this was the time that I sought professional help.

幸好我就此打住，转而寻求专业帮助。

This was my first step towards recovery and a major turning point in my life.

这是救赎的第一步，也是我人生的一大转折点。

来源：Matthew Johnstone

他在寻求专业帮助的过程中解开了心中许多关于抑郁症的迷惑：

I learned that it doesn't matter who you are, the black dog affects millions and millions of people; it is an equal opportunity mongrel. 我了解到，不管你是谁，黑狗都可能会不期而至, 扰乱你的生活；谁都可能在其阴影下生活。

他认为，抑郁症患者们走出阴霾的第一步是坦然接受，不要掩饰“黑狗”的存在，抑郁症并不可耻。

Because what I have since learned, and one of my favorite sayings is, you are only as sick as your secrets. So the more you suppress, hold down and try to bury, the more it is going to creep out in other ways. 因为我在那段日子学到的也是我最喜欢的一句话是，你的秘密有多可怕，你病得就有多重。所以你越压抑，越克制，越想掩盖，它就越会以其他方式偷偷溜走。

而治疗抑郁症也不存在什么灵丹妙药，药物对有些人有效，而另一些人则可能需要完全不同的治疗方法。马修学会了不畏惧“黑狗”，试试以下几招：

The more tired and stressed you are the louder he barks, so it's important to learn how to quiet your mind.

你越累、越紧张，黑狗叫声就越响，所以要学会静下心来。

It's been clinically proven that regular exercise can be as effective for treating mild to moderate depression as antidepressants.

临床试验证明，对待轻微和中度抑郁症，经常锻炼可像抗抑郁药一样有效。

So go for a walk or a run and leave the mutt behind.

所以丢下黑狗，去散步和跑步吧！

Keep a mood journal; getting your thoughts on paper can be cathartic and often insightful getting your thoughts on paper can be cathartic and often insightful.

坚持写日记记录情绪波动，卸下思想包袱，往往有助于找到解决方法。

Also keep track of the things that you have to be grateful for.

当然, 别忘了记录值得感谢的事。

来源：Matthew Johnstone

“黑狗”也许是一头冷酷无情的野兽，但马修始终相信我们的内心具有强大的能量将其驯服。他把自己一步步驯服“黑狗”的历程都写进了《我有一只黑狗》一书中，收到了读者们的热烈反馈，他回忆说：

It was a revelation when that book went out. I realised I was not alone … and that there were a lot of people who were suffering in silence. 那本书出版后，我得到了启示。我意识到我并不孤单，还有很多人在默默承受着痛苦。 I started getting lots of emails from people saying it’s as if you wrote that book about me. I suddenly felt very validated in telling that story. 我开始收到许多人的电子邮件说，我好像写了一本关于他们的书。我突然觉得讲述自己的故事很有意义。

至于为什么采取绘本的方式著书，马修表示：

"People who are depressed find it hard to concentrate, so a picture book makes this complex subject much more accessible." “抑郁的人很难集中注意力，所以图画书让复杂的问题变得更容易理解。”

来源：Matthew Johnstone

马修以设身处地的讲述给广大抑郁症患者播种希望时，自己也在留言和来信中得到温暖的回馈，疗愈自己被“黑狗”撕裂的伤疤。

马修以自己强大的心灵力量走出了“黑狗”的阴影，以值得敬佩的自身经历告诉读者和听众：

The black dog may always be part of my life, but he will never be the beast that he was.

黑狗也许会伴随我一生，但不再会是那只曾经肆虐无忌的野兽。

他鼓励还在竭尽全力回避和掩饰抑郁症的人们，接纳并拥抱“黑狗”，直面困难。

来源：Matthew Johnstone

There is absolutely no shame in doing so, the only shame is missing out on life.

这并不是什么丢人的事情，享受不到美好生活才是人生最大缺憾。

视频：陈月华

编辑：朱迪齐

实习生：曾玲

来源：卫报 UNICEF WHO Well being Grow Happiful