一篇申请美国本科文书欣赏

Red Over Black

红与黑

“Bring the ace of spades up,” my Grandmother said as we started our first game of solitaire after I got home from school. “Now, put the black eight onto the red nine.” We played solitaire often, working together to reorganize the cards most efficiently. While it was meant to be a single-player game, solitaire was the one thing we did together, moving and dealing the cards in a symphony of order: red to black, red to black. Pulling the pattern out of the random array of cards.

我放学回家后，当我和奶奶开始第一场单人纸牌游戏时，奶奶说：“把黑桃王拿出来。”“现在，把黑桃八换成红桃九。”我们经常一起玩纸牌游戏，一起以最有效的方式整理纸牌。虽然纸牌本来是单人游戏，但它是我和奶奶一起做的一件事，以有序的中移动和发牌：从红到黑，从红到黑。从随机排列的纸牌中找出固定的组合。

For hours, we sat at our glossy kitchen table, playing game after game. If there were no more moves to make, I would always sneak a card from below a column without my grandma seeing. She always did. I couldn’t understand- What was the big deal of revealing the cards? We might win one out of ten games played. But if we just ‘helped ourselves,’ as I liked to call it, we could win them all. I didn’t understand her adherence to the “Turn Three” rule. Why not just turn the cards one by one? It was too frustrating to see the cards go by, but turn exactly three and not be able to pick them up! After one game we lost, I asked my grandma, “Why do we play this way? There’s a much better way to play.” In response, she quickly explained her adamancy to the rules, what before had made no sense to me.

几个小时，我和奶奶坐在厨房光滑的桌子旁，一场接一场地玩着游戏。如果没有更多的动作要做，我总是在奶奶不注意的情况下从牌堆下面偷偷拿一张牌。她总是没有注意到我的这一动作。我不明白，翻牌有什么大不了的？我们可能会赢十场比赛中的一场。但如果我们能像我喜欢说的那样“自我帮助”，我们就能赢得所有的牌局。我不明白奶奶为什么要遵守“第三回合”规则。为什么要一张一张地翻牌呢？看到牌从眼前经过真是太令人沮丧了，正好它们转了三轮，却不能把它们拿出来！我们输了一场比赛后，我问奶奶：“我们为什么要这样玩？有更好的方法玩牌。”作为回应，奶奶很快解释了自己对规则的坚定态度，这在我看来是毫无意义的。

Her polished fingernails scratched against the cards as she shuffled them and told me. “Solitaire isn’t just a game for one person.” Her deep brown eyes sharply glanced at me, “No.” It wasn’t just a game for one person, but rather for two sides of a person. It was an internal battle, a strengthening of the mind. One playing against oneself. “If one side of you cheats, how would either side get better?”

当她洗牌并告诉我时，她擦得锃亮的指甲在纸牌上蹭来蹭去。“纸牌不仅仅是一个人玩的游戏。”她深棕色的眼睛锐利地瞥了我一眼，“不。”这不仅仅是一个人的游戏，而是一个人的两面之间的游戏。这是一场人内部的斗争，一场心灵的强化。人与自己作斗争。“如果你的一面作弊，另一面又如何才能变得更好？”

Red lipsticked lips slightly grinned as my grandma saw me trying to understand, but I didn’t agree with this thought at once. The cards rhythmically slapped down onto the table as my grandmother, small yet stoic, effortlessly moved the cards with frail hands. I watched her. I thought about any other way to understand this idea. I desperately wanted to. Trying to think, I couldn’t imagine another instance where this sense of tranquility, bringing the melody of organization out of a cacophony of random cards, came from such intense competition.

当奶奶看到我试图理解这句话时，她的红唇微微咧嘴一笑，但我并没有马上同意这个说法。牌有节奏地拍打在桌子上，奶奶虽然矮小但坚忍，她用脆弱的手毫不费力地移动牌。我看着她。我考虑过其他任何理解这个说法的方法。我非常想这么做。我试着去想，但我无法想象这种宁静感，从杂乱无章的纸牌中找出有组织的规律，竟然来自如此激烈的人性的竞争。

The slow manipulation of life around her precedent made me think back to my grandma, to what she told me, and made me understand. Two years later, pushing myself harder than I ever had before in a field hockey match, I realized how much I had been cheating myself and my team by not putting this effort in before. Four years later, I was helping my parents clean after dinner when I saw the value in not taking the easy way out. Five years later, I found once again the difficult ease in pottery. Lifting the pot off the wheel, I found satisfaction. Looking back, I hadn’t realized that this notion of self-accountability appears in almost every aspect of my life.

围绕着奶奶的例子缓慢地进行着我的生活，这让我回想起奶奶，回想起她告诉我的事情，让我明白了。两年后，在一场曲棍球比赛中，我比以往任何时候都更加努力地推动自己，我意识到我之前没有投入这种努力，是多么欺骗了自己和我的团队。四年后，当我看到不走捷径的价值时，我正帮助父母在晚饭后打扫卫生。五年后，我又一次发现了制作陶器使人放松的乐趣。把陶罐从轮子上提起来，我感到很开心。回首往事，我从没有意识到这种自我负责的观念几乎出现在我生活的每一个方面。

Seven columns. Four aces. Fifty-two cards. Laying these down, I’m brought back to playing solitaire with my grandmother. Through time, her inner spirit never crumbled as her body began to deteriorate. Her mind stayed strong and proud. I admired her for that more than she could’ve imagined. Each challenge I face, or will face, in life, I think back to her lesson one inconspicuous afternoon. Never let myself cheat. Always hold myself accountable. Work hard in every competition, especially the ones against myself, as those are the ones that better me the most. I did not understand what my grandmother meant that day. Now, with each day, I do more.

七个牌堆，四个A，52张牌。放下这些，我又回到了和奶奶玩纸牌的时代。随着时间的推移，她的内在精神从未随着她的身体开始恶化而崩溃。她的思想坚强而自豪。我对她的钦佩超出了她的想象。我在生活中面临或将要面临的每一个挑战，我都会回想起她在一个不起眼的下午给我上的一课。永远不要欺骗。永远对自己负责。在每一场比赛中都要努力，尤其是那些对我不利的比赛，因为这些比赛能使我获得最大的进步。虽然那天我不明白奶奶的意思。但现在，每一天，我都比之前做得更多，变得更好。

Admissions Committee Comments

Many students want to share about an important person or family member in their life in their college essays. The challenge with this is making sure that the essay is still about the applicant, not just the important person. Elizabeth does a great job of incorporating that important person, her grandmother, while still keeping the focus on herself, what she learned from that specific moment, how that impacted her life. Additionally, although Elizabeth began by focussing on a childhood experience, she brought that back to her day-to-day life and how she incorporates accountability and hard work throughout. Understanding who Elizabeth is and her values, helps us understand who she will be in our campus community. She demonstrates her values of hard work and self-accountability are not limited to just solitaire but incorporated in sports, hobbies, her family life and are sure to shine through in her new communities on a college campus.

招生委员会评论：

许多学生想在大学申请书中分享他们生活中的重要人物或家庭成员。这方面的挑战在于确保文书所写的仍然必须是关于申请人的，而不仅仅是关于那个重要人物的。伊丽莎白很好地融入了那个重要的人，她的奶奶，同时仍然专注于自己，比如说她从那个特定的时刻学到了什么，这对她的生活产生了怎样的影响等。此外，尽管伊丽莎白一开始关注的是童年的经历，但她把童年的经历带回到了日常生活中，以及她如何将责任感和努力工作贯穿始终。了解伊丽莎白是谁和她的价值观，有助于我们了解她将成为我们校园社区怎样的一员。她展示了自己努力工作和自我负责的价值观，不仅限于玩单人纸牌，还融入了体育、业余爱好和家庭生活，因此她肯定能在大学校园的新社区中大放异彩。

笔者的评论：

这是一篇非常棒的PS，但如果你没有玩纸牌的经历的话，这篇PS或许有些难以理解。不过，我们仍然能够大致了解作者伊丽莎白到底写了什么。她主要写了自己小时候和奶奶玩牌的经历。自己为了赢，经常趁奶奶不注意偷牌。而奶奶却一直坚持遵守规则，并告诉她做任何一项工作，都不能欺骗，因为实际上任何工作，人的两面性都会进行斗争，最终是正义的一面战胜邪恶的一面还是反之，取决于人自己的意志力和决心。我们必须时刻抱有对自己负责（self-accountability）的信念，才能做出正确的事情。经过奶奶的启发，自己终于能够再之后的生活、学习中坚持规则，不再欺骗。

从这些经历中，可以看出作者是一个非常懂得约束自己，非常懂得向他人学习，非常懂得知错能改的人，而这正是学校以及招生委员会所看重的。人的一生不可能从不犯错，而更重要的是，你犯错了之后会不会反思并改正，持续提高自己。这是我们每个人都应该注意的。