你知道 day 是什么意思吗？一天，对吧？
你知道 birth 是什么意思吗？出生，对吧？
你知道 apologize 是什么意思吗？道歉，对吧？
嗯，这些词在小学英语课本里面都有，学过英语的中国人基本都认识，这还能理解错？？？
英大我也是这么认为的，直到我最近看了一本名书：
Devil's Dictionaries
《魔鬼词典》
这本书写于100多年前，致力于纠正人们对一些常见概念的“误解”。
这真是，不看不知道，一看，我勒个去，
先贤就是先贤，100多年前就知道世界没救了。
今天英大就精选了其中50个词条，一起来看看你“误解”了几个吧：
声明：本文系沪江英语原创翻译，未经授权不得转载
Ability
能力
n.
The natural equipment to accomplish some small part of the meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones.
名词.
一种用于完成各种小目标的天然装备，用于区分能人和死人。
by. 沪江英语
Birth
出生
n.
The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity.
名词.
一切灾难中最先发生、最惨烈的那个灾难。而且从它的特性看来，它的惨法没有边界。
by. 沪江英语
Childhood
童年
n.
The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth—two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
名词.
人类生命中介于幼年无知和青年愚蠢之间的那段时间——离成年人的堕落差两个档期，离开始抱怨自己老了差三个档期。
by. 沪江英语
Happiness
快乐
n.
An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
名词.
仔细观察他人悲剧时产生的一种愉悦感。
by. 沪江英语
Hatred
憎恨
n.
A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.
名词.
一种适合在发现其他人过得更好时产生的感受。
by. 沪江英语
Emotion
情绪
n.
A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head.
名词.
一种由于心脏对大脑下命令而产生的疑难杂症。
by. 沪江英语
Future
未来
n.
That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
名词.
指的是一段时间，这段时间里我们的生活飞黄腾达、我们的朋友真诚可爱、我们的快乐唾手可得。
by. 沪江英语
Day
一天
n.
A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. This period is divided into two parts, the day proper and the night, or day improper—the former devoted to sins of business, the latter consecrated to the other sort.
名词.
一个长达24小时的时间区间，基本都被浪费掉。这个区间通常分为白天和非白天，前者用来向金钱势力低头，后者才用来干别的。
by. 沪江英语
Confidant
密友
n.
One entrusted by A with the secrets of B, confided by him to C.
名词.
指的是一个被A透露了B的秘密，并被A出卖给C的人。
by. 沪江英语
Brain
脑子
n.
An apparatus with which we think what we think. That which distinguishes the man who is content to be something from the man who wishes to do something.
名词.
一个我们自以为自己用来思考的器官。用于区分安于现状的人和想干点什么的人。
by. 沪江英语
Apologize
道歉
v.i.
To lay the foundation for a future offence.
不及物动词.
为未来的互相伤害打下基础。
by. 沪江英语
Age
年龄
n.
That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we have no longer the enterprise to commit.
名词.
指的是生命中的一段时间，我们在这段时间里谴责那些我们已经干不动的坏事，以便继续干那些还干得动的坏事。
by. 沪江英语
Boundary
边界
n.
In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other.
名词.
在政治地理学当中，边界指的是两个国家之间的一条想象出来的线，用于将两边各自想象出的权利区分开。
by. 沪江英语
Art
艺术
n.
This word has no definition.
名词.
这个词没有定义。
by. 沪江英语
Back
背
n.
That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.
名词.
指的是你朋友身上的一个部位，当你过得不好时，可以看个够。
by. 沪江英语
Alliance
联盟
n.
In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
名词.
在国际政治中，指的是两个贼的手已经在对方的口袋里陷得太深，他们已经无法独自去抢第三个贼的东西了。
by. 沪江英语
Commerce
商业
n.
A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.
名词.
指的是一种交易方式，也就是A从B那里把C的商品抢过来，而B作为补偿则从D的口袋里把E的钱偷过来。
by. 沪江英语
Delusion
幻觉
n.
The father of a most respectable family, comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity and many other goodly sons and daughters.
名词.
是一个备受尊重的大家庭的父亲，这个家庭的孩子包括激情、爱慕、自欺欺人、信仰、希望、慈善以及许许多多其他的好儿女。
by. 沪江英语
Cunning
狡猾
n.
The faculty that distinguishes a weak animal or person from a strong one. It brings its possessor much mental satisfaction and great material adversity.
名词.
一种用于区分弱者和强者的品质。会给它的持有者带来很高的精神满足感和物质困境。
by. 沪江英语
Cat
猫
n.
A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature
名词.
一种柔软、不可摧毁的永动机，是大自然的恩赐。
by. 沪江英语
Dictionary
辞典
n.
A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.
名词.
一种邪恶的文学工具，用于遏制语言的成长和发散。不过我们这本辞典不同，我们这本辞典很有用。
by. 沪江英语
Friendship
友谊
n.
A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.
名词.
一艘船，天气好的时候可以坐两个人，天气不好的时候只能坐一个。
by. 沪江英语
Friendless
没朋友
adj.
Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.
形容词.
没有什么人情要给，也没有什么钱。痴迷于讲真话、普及常识。
by. 沪江英语
Education
教育
n.
That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
名词.
让聪明人发现自己很愚蠢，让傻子以为自己不愚蠢。
by. 沪江英语
Diary
日记
n.
A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.
名词.
一种专门记录自己觉得不害臊的事情的日更性记录。
by. 沪江英语
Ambition
雄心壮志
n.
An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
名词.
一种难以抗拒的欲望，它让你在活着的时候被敌人诽谤，并在你死后让你被朋友笑成渣。
by. 沪江英语
Air
空气
n.
A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.
名词.
慷慨的老天爷馈赠的一种营养物质，用于让穷人长胖。（又叫西北风）
by. 沪江英语
Abnormal
不正常
adj.
Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.
形容词.
不合标准。从思想和行为的角度考虑，独立就是一种不正常，而不正常的东西都是要被批斗的。
by. 沪江英语
Acquaintance
熟人
n.
A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
名词.
一个熟到你觉得可以找他借钱、但还不愿意借钱给他的人。
by. 沪江英语
Beauty
美丽
n.
The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
名词.
一种被女性用来吸引恋人的能力。她们也用这种能力来恐吓丈夫。
by. 沪江英语
Admiration
赞赏
n.
Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
名词.
发现别人和我们自己很像的时候，给予礼貌的认可。
by. 沪江英语
Accuse
控告
v.t.
To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him.
及物动词.
去暴露别人的罪过和无能，通常是因为我们自己做了对不起别人的事但却想为自己找一个道德高地。
by. 沪江英语
Actually
实际上
adv.
Perhaps; possibly.
副词.
额，或许吧；额，大概吧。
by. 沪江英语
Befriend
交朋友
v.t.
To make an ingrate.
及物动词.
结交一个新的忘恩负义的人。
by. 沪江英语
Applause
掌声
n.
The echo of a platitude.
名词.
陈词滥调的回音。
by. 沪江英语
Administration
有关部门
n.
An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. A man of straw, proof against bad-egging and dead-catting.
名词.
政治上的一个十分天才的抽象概念，用于帮首相或总统背锅，是一个拿来挡箭的稻草人。
by. 沪江英语
Clock
钟
n.
A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him.
名词.
一个对人类来说有极高道德价值的机器，通过让人发现自己还有这么多时间可以浪费来减轻其对未来的担忧。
by. 沪江英语
Aboriginies
原住民
n.
Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country.
名词.
新发现的国度里那些正在糟蹋土地的无用之人。
by. 沪江英语
Acknowledge
认可、确认
v.t.
To confess. Acknowledgement of one another's faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth.
及物动词.
也就是坦诚、坦白。确认别人的过错是我们在追求真理的道路上的最高职责。
by. 沪江英语
Conversation
交谈
n.
A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.
名词.
一种为了兜售无关紧要的小想法而搭建的市集，每个参展人都忙着展示自己的商品，都没空看其他人的。
by. 沪江英语
Achievement
成就
n.
The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.
名词.
停止努力，开始作。
by. 沪江英语
Circus
马戏团
n.
A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.
名词.
大马、小马和大象们观看愚蠢人类的地方。
by. 沪江英语
Hand
手
n.
A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
名词.
一种长在人类手臂末端的工具，通常用来伸进别人的口袋。
by. 沪江英语
Fashion
时尚
n.
A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.
名词.
睿智的人们一边嘲讽、一边服从的一位暴君。
by. 沪江英语
Distance
距离
n.
The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs, and keep.
名词.
富人唯一乐意让穷人拥有的东西。
by. 沪江英语
Critic
评论家
n.
A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him.
名词.
一个大肆自吹自擂的人，他这么做是为了让自己开心，因为并没有人在乎他开不开心。
by. 沪江英语
Diagnosis
诊断
n.
A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.
名词.
医生根据病人的脉搏和钱包而做出的病情预测。
by. 沪江英语
Corporation
公司
n.
An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
名词.
一种聪明绝顶的发明，通过它你可以在不承担个人责任的情况下获取个人利益。
by. 沪江英语
Debt
债务
n.
An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave-driver.
名词.
奴隶主们的一项天才发明，用以替代锁链和皮鞭。
by. 沪江英语
History
历史
n.
An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.
名词.
一种由混账君主和他的白痴士兵搞出来的记录，通常是假的，而且记录的东西通常都不重要。
by. 沪江英语
嗯，
这不禁让人想起中国古人说过的一句名言。
子曾经曰过的：“朝闻道，夕死可矣。”
不得不说，古人果然是厉害啊，早上就知道日子没法过了。
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