在教育这个方面, 我已经坚持做了十五年的时间, 并且带过几百个孩子这样的群体, 从而变得越来越确信于一个判断, 也就是把目光投向孩子的内心世界以及长远发展的方向上去, 教育才能够真实地发挥出它应该要发挥出来的力量, 分数这个东西确实能够说明很多方面的情况, 但是它远远不是全部的内容, 甚至都不是那一部分中最最重要的内容。
孩子内心被忽视会怎样
有一个学生在数学考试里拿了95分, 我在大家面前夸奖他很聪明。到了第二天, 他自己把自己关在一间教室的角落里, 不管谁怎么喊他, 他都一点反应都没有。后来我总算弄清楚了, 这个分数其实是拿隔壁班的同学来衡量的, 所以他在心里头完全感受不到什么成就感, 只会觉得有一种被拿来比较的委屈意思。
那些长期被大人忽视自己心里真实想法的孩子呢, 他们往往非常容易就把自己觉得自己有没有用的这个事情, 完全挂靠在别人给他们的外部评价上面了。
结果就是一旦到了某一个时候, 没有考出一个好的分数出来, 或者没有得到那所谓的“第一名”那个头衔, 这一个人自信心就会完全的崩溃掉。我在这里看见过非常多的这样的情况存在的情况的, 分数的数字确实是上去了的, 但是这个人本身的精神状态却是垮掉了的。
教育怎么关注长远发展
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在我带过的这些孩子之中, 有好几个小朋友, 他们当时在学业成绩上面的表现是非常拔尖的, 可是当他们参加完工作两三年的时候, 却又跑过来找我谈话, 说他们在内心是不确定自己喜欢什么东西的, 也不知道自己想去干什么事情, 整个人就像是已经被设定好了程序的机器一样在不停地转动着, 这实际上就是如果只盯着眼前的考试分数, 却不去关注孩子长远发展的一个严重的代价。
从长远的角度看, 发展这个问题并不是一个没有实际内容的口号, 它实际上是体现在非常具体的事情上面的: 比如一个孩子是不是能够自己去设立一个小目标并且努力把它完成, 遇到了困难和挫折的时候是不是能够先停下来休息一下然后再继续坚持, 在和自己的同伴发生矛盾冲突的时候是不是能够站在那个对方的立场上去思考问题。
这些非常重要的方面内容是, 仅仅通过一张试卷是无法测量出来的。
内心世界跟教育啥关系
在孩子跟外面那个世界进行打交道的时候, 真正起作用的、像底层操作系统那样支撑着他的, 其实是他们内心世界中那些个东西, 具体来说就是他们的好奇心, 还有他们对于公平感的要求, 以及那种希望被人理解的渴望。
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如果你在教育孩子的过程里头不去触碰这些, 而是选择绕开它们, 那就相当于是想要在一个地基都已经烂掉的地上去盖楼, 而且这座楼越是在往高了建, 那么其中潜藏的危险性也就越是会变得巨大起来。
我后来产生了一个习惯做法, 就是在给试卷打分之前, 先考虑一下这个孩子在最近一段时间里的家庭状况是否发生了改变。
一个刚刚经历了父母离婚过程的孩子, 出现某一次数学成绩不理想的情况, 在这种情况下, 与他获得的那个分数数字相比, 他内心更需要的是被关注和被理解的感觉, 而不是站在教室前面的讲台位置接受批评和指责。教育的开始环节, 应该是建立相互理解的基础, 而不是立刻去纠正具体的行为错误。
家长怎么读懂孩子内心
根本不需要用到什么专业的量表, 你只要多做一些蹲下来的聊天动作就行了。当孩子说出“我不想去了”这样的一句话的时候, 请不要马上着急去反驳那个孩子的想法, 应该先去问一句“为什么不想去”。
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在那个被说出来的“为什么”后面, 通常会隐藏着孩子真正的内心需求, 这种需求可能是孩子被同学嘲笑了, 也可能是由于孩子害怕自己跟不上进度。
我自己也曾做过错事。有一次, 我的女儿在放学回家后把话憋着不说, 我当时觉得她太不懂事了, 于是对她讲出了这样的话: 既然你有本事的话, 那你就大声地跟我讲出来好了。
可是后来我才了解清楚情况, 原来她是和自己最好的朋友之间产生了矛盾, 导致在班级里面没有人愿意理睬她。经历了这次事情之后, 我深深地记住了一个道理: 孩子的情绪并不是在做作或者矫情, 这实际上是她正在向我们发出求救的信号。
时间都已经过了十五年这么久, 让我得到的最大的一种体会, 其实就是非常简单的一个句子, 那就是千万不要将教育这件事情做成那种流水线的生产方式, 因为每一个孩子他的内心世界都存在着一种其他人根本看不见的隐秘角落, 并且那些关乎长远发展的种子也就正好埋藏在了那个角落里面, 如果你真的愿意做到蹲下身子去认真地看一看, 那么对于教育这件事来说, 才算是真正拥有了属于它自己的力量。
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