《情绪管理十二讲》第3版：第六讲 情感脱节，一个危险的症状

《情绪管理十二讲》第3版：第六讲 情感脱节，一个危险的症状第六讲-情感脱节，一个危险的症状

我们清楚，男人是理性的，女人是感性的。有足够多的文章描摹了这一现象。然而，我注意到，我们中的许多人似乎认为，脱离自己的情感，意味着冷静、冷静和理性的存在，就像斯波克在《星际迷航》中那样。我向你们保证，这离真理不远了。没有这种理解，我们常常会发现某人的自知之明是与现实的激烈冲突。

我在中国长大，直到我大学毕业的时候离开。这是一种比较普遍的情况。

我成长的家庭是一个非常严格的家庭。我父亲总是把理性、理性的思想替代我教育中的任何情感。在成长过程中，我在青春期经历了强烈的情感攻击，就像每个人一样。我父亲非常严厉的批评，因此房子里的每个人都很不高兴。我不怪我父亲得出的结论。然而，在那时，我没有任何工具，也没有足够的理解来处理这个问题。

我总是记起在大约16岁的仲夏夜，一个家庭的散步。经过一个非常炎热和乏味的一天，我的父母和我决定出去散步。由于某种原因，我记不起来了，我一直很不开心，很激动。就在回家之前，我爸爸让我妈妈走在前面，叫我停下来谈谈。他指出，我的情绪让每个人都感到痛苦，这是我需要面对的问题。他用一句话结束了这个话题：世界上没有人值得接受你的情感垃圾。如果你有问题，先解决，然后我们再谈。从现在起，房子里就不应该发牢骚了。

我总是记起这个谈话。从那时起，我开始掩饰自己的情感表达。我像父亲一样崇拜理性，贬低情感、情绪和感情等。许多年后，我一度不知不觉地阻断了我自己的情感。我为自己感到骄傲，认为自己是一个近乎完美的理性的人，不受情感的干扰，总是专注于眼前的具体问题，从而迅速找到解决办法。哦，孩子，我错了。由于流行的电视节目和电影，与他自己的情感脱节的人总是以他的情感缺席的方式呈现，比如斯波克。断线与缺席有很大区别！原因很简单，据我所知，一个健康的人绝不能消除情绪。也就是说，它们总是在那里，昼夜不停地奔跑。

所以现在最大的问题出现了：由于我的情感脱节，我一点也不自由。在我的脑海里，我的自我形象是一个追求理性和逻辑的人，他总是保持冷静，专注于手边的关键问题。然而，现实完全是另一回事。我周围的人会发现我很幼稚，难以捉摸，情绪激动，很难应付。你会说这是个讽刺。但这种情况有更深层次的原因。

当我们说一个人与他的情感脱节时，隐含的信息是，对于这个人来说，他的自我和他的情感之间有一个鸿沟。然而，“自我”这个部分通常定义不好。因为如果你深入挖掘，你会发现自我意识是理性大脑的一部分。在俗语中，自我是自我意识，它是由理性思维（例如语言技能）所体现的。

在这种情况下，我们可以看到，如果一个人的情感被切断，他的实际意义就是他的理智和情感根本没有联系。这种不幸的情况将意味着这个人所经历的所有情感都没有被他的理智（自我意识）所处理和接受。在这种情况下，悲伤的现实是，一个人完全服从他自己的情感，却从未意识到这一点。在大多数情况下，这对他自己的社交生活和他周围的人来说都是非常麻烦的。

所以结论，请注意你的理智和情感之间的联系，因为这是一个完整而完整的生命的关键。长命百岁！

Disconnected of one’s emotion, the real symptoms

We know all too well the stereotype that men are rational, and women are emotional. There’re more than enough internet memes that depict this phenomenon. However, I’ve noticed that many of us seem to think that being disconnected of one’s emotion means cool, calm and a rational being like Spock in Star Trek. I assure you that this cannot be further away from the truth. Without this understanding, we often find that someone’s self-knowledge is in intense conflict with reality.

I grew up inChinauntil I graduated from college. This is a more common situation.

It is a generally pragmatic culture. In addition, the household where I grew up was a very strict one. My father has always preached reason, rational thinking as superior than any sort of emotion in my education. While growing up, I was experiencing strong emotional attacks during adolescence like literally everyone. This was very harshly criticized by my father as it was unpleasant for everyone in the house. I don’t blame my father for this conclusion. However, back then, I didn’t have any tools nor enough understanding of the problem to deal with it properly.

I always remember a family promenade in a mid-summer night when I was about 16 years old. After a very hot and dull day, my parents and I decided to go out for a walk. For some reason that I couldn’t remember, I was very unhappy and agitated during the whole time. Right before going home, my dad let my mum walk in front and called me to stop for a talk. He pointed out that my mood was making everybody suffer and that’s a problem I need to deal with. He ended that talk with one sentence: nobody in the world deserves to receive your emotional junk. If you have a problem, solve it first, then we’ll talk. There should be no grumble in the house from now on.

I always remember this talk. Ever since, I started to cover my emotional expressions. I worshipped reason like my father, and belittled emotion, mood and feelings, etc. Many years later, I was at a point that I unconsciously blocked all the emotions that are going on in myself. I was so proud of myself thinking that I was a near perfect rational being, who did not get disturbed by emotions and could always concentrate on the concrete problem at hand and thus find solutions quickly. Oh boy was I wrong. Due to popular TV shows and movies, the guy that is disconnected to his own emotions are always presented in a way that his emotions are absent, like Spock. There is a huge difference between disconnection and absence! The reason is simple, as far as I know, a healthy human being can by no means be rid of emotions. That is to say, they are always there and running around the clock.

So now the big problem appears: being disconnected to my emotions, I am not at all free of it. While in my head, my self-image is a guy who pursues reason and logic, who always keeps his cool and concentrate on the key issue at hand. The reality however, is completely another story. People around me would find that I am very immature, unpredictable, highly emotional and very difficult to deal with. Such an irony, you’d say. But there’s a deeper reason for this situation.

When we say that one is disconnected to his emotions, the implicit message is that for this very person, there’s a gap between his self and his emotions. However, the part “self” is usually poorly defined. Because if you dig a bit deeper, you’ll see that the awareness of self is part of the rational brain. In layman’s term, oneself is the self-awareness, which is embodied by rational thinking (language skills, for example).

Under this light, we can see that if someone’s disconnected of his emotions, the actual meaning is that his reason and emotion are not linked at all. This unfortunate situation would mean that all the emotions that this person experiences are not processed and accepted by his reason (self-awareness) at all. The sad reality in this case would be, a person who is completely submissive to his own emotions without ever realizing it at all. In most cases, this would be very problematic for his own social life and painful for people around him.

So the conclusion, please take care of the connection between your reason and emotion, for this is the key of a fulfilled and complete life. Live long and prosper!

情绪管理十二讲

原书名：Paris gold Key

（巴黎金钥匙）

Léo Paris

巴黎雷欧 著

Paris 2019

内容简介

这是一本从非常别致的角度解析情绪管理的著作，是从作者的系列心理学讲座中挑选出来的。巴黎雷欧（李由、任由之）的系列心理学讲座，在法国、美国青年中颇受欢迎，特试译为中文版本。

巴黎雷欧著有《简明国际商务》（多所大学用作考研辅导书）《跨国公司内部谈判效益论析》（法文版）《法国现代书画艺术评论》（英文版3卷）和《雷欧带你认识法国》《雷欧带你认识巴黎》等书籍。

由于巴黎雷欧现系巴黎远东文化艺术协会负责人，巴黎远东艺术馆、巴黎雷欧珍宝馆和多种媒体及版权交易机构负责人，非常繁忙，所以此译本尚未得巴黎雷欧先生审阅，特此说明。

Paris gold Key

巴黎金钥匙

Léo Paris

Catalog

Key to success with ease

Give your poor self-discipline a break

Decision-making, a highly disguised escape

Key to success with efficiency

Toxic personality, why some people are impossible to reason with

Disconnected of one’s emotion, the real symptoms

One is extremely moody because he is NOT emotional

Open mindedness and self-awareness

Cure to boredom, engage the environment around you

DON’T find something that you love and let it kill you

Social accessibility, one major cure for social isolation

The gap between having fun and being successful

情绪管理十二讲

Léo Paris

巴黎雷欧

目录

（中文译本未经巴黎雷欧审阅）

第一讲 轻松成功，有秘诀吗？

第二讲 给你的“自律”放个假

第三讲 决策，可能是伪装的逃避

第四讲 成功的关键在于效率

第五讲 毒性人格，为何不能正常诠释

第六讲 情感脱节，一个危险的症状

第七讲 情绪化，恰恰是因为缺乏感性

第八讲 强烈感觉与自我意识

第九讲 治愈厌倦，参与周围的环境

第十讲 不要让你喜欢的东西杀死你

第十一讲 社交障碍治疗——消除隔离

第十二讲 乐趣和成功之间的差距

巴黎雷欧的部分著作：

巴黎雷欧投资研报03：（欧盟20万至50万欧元支持计划）

法国提供实用的研发投资税收减免：健康、制药、绿色科技、农业科技、数字科技等，特别是生物科技及可持续发展技术领域。

法国政府还设有特别基金支持外国投资者的创新和初创合作。法国政府通过简化行政程序和提供法律及财务咨询服务，吸引和支持外国投资者。