酷带英语：判断是否心智是否成熟的10大标志，你中了几条?

　　我们心知肚明，真正的成年是一种内在成长的过程，可能比我们获得正式成年人身份要晚很多年。即使我们活到30岁，也可能还在还在努力成长为心智成熟的人。

　　阿兰德波顿创办的生命学院，发表了一篇名为“WHEN DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY MATURE? 26 SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL MATURITY”的文章，列出了判断一个人心智是否健全，人格是否成熟的标志，几乎每一条小酷都很认同，伙伴们也可以对照一下自己认同几条，自检一下你在心智上到底算不算一个成熟人类：

　　一、

　　You realise that most of the bad behaviour of other people really comes down to fear and anxiety–rather than, as it is generally easier to presume, nastiness or idiocy. You loosen your hold on self-righteousness and stop thinking of the world as populated by either monsters or fools. It makes things less black and white at first, but in time, a great deal more interesting.

　　你意识到很多人做出不好的行为，不是我们通常所轻易认定的恶毒或愚蠢，而是因为内心的恐惧与焦虑，意识到这点之后，你就不会觉得世界非黑即白，也不再执着于自己，总是对的，时间久了，你会发现生活有趣多了。

　　二、

　　You learn to be confident not by realising that you're great, but by learning that everyone else is just as stupid, scared and lost as you are. We're all making it up as we go along, and that's fine.

　　你学会自信，并非因为自认为有多么了不起，而是意识到，每个人其实都像你一样，有着愚蠢、恐惧与迷茫的时刻。我们都在摸索中前行，这很正常。

　　三、

　　You forgive your parents because you realise that they didn't put you on this earth in order to insult you. They were just painfully out of their depth and struggling with demons of their own. Anger turns, at points, to pity and compassion.

　　你学会了不再用他人的错误惩罚自己。你原谅你的父母，因为你意识到他们并非为了伤害你而将你带到这个世界。他们只是自己也有一堆麻烦要解决，已经自顾不暇。愤怒过后，你更多的是对他们产生了怜悯与同情。

　　四、

　　You give up sulking. If someone hurts you, you don't store up the hatred and the hurt for days. You remember you'll be dead soon. You don't expect others to know what's wrong. You tell them straight and if they get it, you forgive them. And if they don't, in a different way, you forgive them too.

　　你不再怄气。若有人伤害了你，你不会让怨恨与伤痛在心中盘桓数日。你提醒自己，生命短暂，无须期待他人洞悉你的感受。你直接告诉他们，若他们理解了，你便宽恕;若不理解，你以另一种方式宽恕。

　　五、

　　You realise that because life is so very short, it's extremely important that you to try to say what you really mean, focus on what you really want, and tell those you care about that they matter immensely to you. Probably every day.

　　你意识到生命的短暂，因此，你努力表达自己的真实想法，专注于内心所求，并向所关心的人表达他们对你有多么重要。这或许会成为你每天的必修课。

　　六、

　　You learn that you are–rather surprisingly–quite a difficult person to live with. You shed some of your earlier sentimentality towards yourself. You go into friendships and relationships offering others kindly warnings of how and when you might prove a challenge.

　　在亲密关系中，你意识到自己其实也是个难相处的人，你摒弃了自己的多愁善感。在开始一段友情或恋爱前，尝试开诚布公的告诉对方自己在什么时候会变得比较难搞。

　　七、

　　You learn that part of what maturity involves is making peace with the stubbornly child-like bits of you that will always remain. You cease trying to be a grown up at every occasion. You accept that we all have our regressive moments–and when the inner two year old you rears its head, you greet them generously and give them the attention they need.

　　你明白，成熟的一部分，是与内心那些永远如孩童般固执的部分和解。你不再每逢场合都刻意表现得成熟。你接受，我们都有幼稚的时候——当内心的那个两岁小孩探出头来时，你会大方地迎接他，给予他所需的关注。

　　八、

　　What people in general think of you ceases to be such a concern. You realise the minds of others are muddled places and you don't try so hard to polish your image in everyone else's eyes. What counts is that you and one or two others are OK with you being you. You give up on fame and start to rely on love.

　　你不再过分在意他人对你的看法。你意识到，他人的想法纷繁复杂，你无须费尽心机地在每个人眼中塑造完美形象。重要的是，你和一两个人能接受真实的你。你放弃了追逐名声，开始依赖爱。

　　九、

　　You get better at hearing feedback. Rather than assuming that anyone who criticises you is either trying to humiliate you or is making a mistake, you accept that maybe it would be an idea to take a few things on board. You start to see that you can listen to a criticism and survive it–without having to put on your armour and deny there was ever a problem.

　　你开始更好地听取反馈。你不再轻易认为批评你的人是在羞辱你或犯了错误，而是接受，或许真该听听他们的意见。你开始明白，你可以听取批评并安然无恙——无须穿上盔甲，否认问题的存在。

　　十、

　　You recognise how your distinctive past colours your response to events–and learn to compensate for the distortions that result. You accept that, because of how your childhood went, you have a predisposition to exaggerate in certain areas. You become suspicious of your own first impulses around particular topics. You realise–sometimes–not to go with your feelings.

　　你意识到自己的过去的经历如何影响了你现在对事情的反应，并学会弥补内心因此产生的情绪。你接受因为童年的经历，你在某些方面容易夸大其词，对某些话题的第一反应持怀疑态度。你明白了有时不能跟着感觉走。

　　我挑选了这篇文章中十个令我印象深刻的观点，为了便于大家理解，我整理了中英文两个版本，减少语言间的误差。如果你暂时还无法认同的话，我期待你可以收藏它，在你日后的人生当中不断回过头来看看，我相信它一定会给你带来很多不一样的感受